I lurk on Tumblr somewhat commonly. My favorites that I subscribe to are what I refer to as the STFU's. A few of them have become less amusing and more philosophical and debate-happy, but I couldn't help but get swept up in a discussion on STFU, Sexists. A commenter/troll started up a pretty nasty discussion about rape, the word "slut," and more.
A longstanding defense of rapists has always been the "Slut had it coming" line of thinking. Basically, cretins argue that a woman who has had "too much sex" cannot be raped, because she clearly invited it upon herself. You can't rape someone who likes sleeping with everyone, right?
Wrong.
The STFU, Sexists author (Miss Ogny) and others came up with a lot of good analogies, and the points that pop up most in my mind are probably not original, but I wanted to add to the discussion.
First, I agree with their consensus that the word "slut" has no real meaning and is useless in discussions. A "slut" does not exist. Sluts, some would argue, have too much promiscuous sex, but how do you quantify that? It's not always used in the rape discussion, and sometimes it's a word used jokingly amongst friends, but it is essentially a harmful word that should be stopped.
Nobody can tell you a number that would equal too many sex partners, or too many sexual encounters. Beyond that, nobody has the right or ability to tell someone that it's even possible to have "too many" of these things. Sex is personal, and involves only the bodies of people who consent to be involved.
So, if you can't understand why a girl has the right to say no to sex at any point in her life, whether she's slept with hundreds or zero, whether she's just finished a hand job or a blow job, or whether she's drunk or high in front of horny fratboys, maybe this will help. Maybe.
STFU, Sexists used the analogy of a boxer, which I have a few issues with. It went like this, though: Professional boxers probably get punched a lot. You could argue they even enjoy getting beaten up. However, no amount of boxing would excuse the professional boxer getting jumped and pummeled in an alleyway after dinner one night. You can't excuse a violent crime by saying "but he enjoys it normally!"
Problems with this analogy: Professional athletes get paid for their sport. Thus, this boxer engages in sport, gets paid, wins awards, etc. He also probably does this in the public arena, and people probably know him. This does not translate well for our argument.
Women (and men) have sex privately, most of the time. Even sexual encounters that are made public are still, in essence, the private business of the people engaged in the encounter, providing no crime is being committed. So to talk about people who are "professionals" enters into a new argument about prostitution, and while the argument is still valid (prostitutes can be raped, too), it doesn't apply to your average person.
I'd consider it like a monthly donation to an organization you believe in. Consider this: Person A wins the lottery and wants to donate once to an organization fighting world hunger. Person B tithes monthly to a church or the Salvation Army. Person C gives $5 to her friend every week so she can get lunch. In all of these situations, money is being given away. Freely. Do I have the right, then, to walk up and take the money they're giving? To steal the giant gimmicky lottery check? To take $100 out of the tithe money for my own groceries? To beat up her friend and take $5 for a footlong sandwich at Subway?
No. It doesn't matter that they are giving away something to someone else, asking nothing in return. It's not mine to take.
If Person A realizes before they hand the check over that the organization they're donating to is corrupt, they have the right to take their check back in the middle of the act. If Person B can't afford to tithe one month, the church or Santa Clauses do not have the right to beat down B's door and take what they normally would have gotten. Person C has the right to say no to their friend, and the right to only give them $4, or $3.
Sex is something you can share with someone. Or not share with someone. It doesn't matter how often you engage in it, or how many people you share it with. It is still yours until you give it freely, and until the deed is done all the way, you have the right to change your mind. Nobody can drug you and take your money without suffering punishment. Nobody can raid your purse while you're drunk of your own choosing. The same goes with sex, only more so.
So STFU.
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